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Partners blame each other for their problems and think things would be better, if only the other person would give in and change.
~Lavinia Ruckes - Ekong, L.M.S.W

One of the biggest difficulties plaguing couples is their inability to effectively communicate with each other. Too often, a simple disagreement quickly deteriorates into a verbal altercation, with each partner hurling personal insults and character assaults at each other. One partner complains about feeling ignored while the other partner complains about being nagged. When the yelling match is over, both people feel unheard and misunderstood.

Simple discussions deteriorate into disputes. Partners blame each other for their problems and think things would be better, if only the other person would give in and change.

Does this sound familiar?

Keys to Effective Communication

In order to communicate effectively, we must first perfect the art of listening. Below is a three-step process to get us started.

1. Listen Intensely
Listening to the content of what is being said is harder than we think. That is why repeating back--every few sentences--what was said is critical. It keeps us focused on the message and not on what we think the message means.
2. Quiet Your Own Sound
Our thoughts distract us from hearing what our partner is saying. We must turn down the volume on our own thoughts in order to effectively hear their actual message.
3. Walk a Mile in Your Partner’s Shoes and Turn It Around
Imagine how you would feel if you had your partner’s perspective. Yes, try to see the issue from you partner’s point of view. Empathy means imagining how another person feels with accuracy. Yes, suspend judgment. Imagine how you would feel if you had your partner’s perspective and tell him or her what you imagine.

Only after you complete all three steps will you be fully informed and prepared to share your own point of view on any given topic.

Remember: Yesterday is a memory and tomorrow is a fantasy. You only have today. Make the call.
Contact Ekong Counseling Center today!

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